worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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