those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
