i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
