i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
