he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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