if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
