Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
