$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
