ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
