just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
