now i know why i became what i already was.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
