I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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