I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Holy sore nipples Batman
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize