I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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