omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
