I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
