he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
