my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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