she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
