Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
