I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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