There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
