Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
