How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
