This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize