FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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