just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
