My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
