It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
