hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
