hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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