And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
