My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
