i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
