I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
