Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
