If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
