is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
