So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
