i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
