Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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