you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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