There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
