We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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