I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
