We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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