Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
