I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
