i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
