is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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