yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
