So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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