just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
