if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
