I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
