Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
