He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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