I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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