In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
