WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
