i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
