She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
