How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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