Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
