he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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