I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
