youre lurking in front of me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
