The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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