That's intense
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Alive.
So much puke
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
