apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize