Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
