He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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