I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
