I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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