she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
