I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
