btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
