ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
