Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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