I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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