he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
