You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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