Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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