this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize